Mid-Singles

A few months ago I mentioned, after visiting a mid-singles ward, that I wish these wards didn't exist.  Sitting in a group like this makes me reflect on the miracle of relationships.  I know these wards provide an opportunity and although I don't particularly enjoy them maybe everyone (even married folks) should have to go once - it would be an eye-opening perspective to anyone who did.  :)  Here are a few of my observations (and before I start may I say this:  We all have different trials in life.  It's hard for us to understand one that we have not faced ourselves.  I am not complaining or trying to be negative in anyway.  Life is good, but sharing my observations helps me to organize my thoughts and hopefully might give others insights into a perspective they might not understand.  I am grateful for opportunities to learn and serve in this life.  We all have different ways we can do that at different times.  Although in many ways I wish I were in a different place in life right now, I also know that we can be happy regardless of our circumstances, especially when we know and stay focused on The Plan and end goal.):

- Singles and mid-singles wards feel like fake wards.  The Church and the gospel is about family and progression and loving and serving your neighbor - those right around you.  Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me to drive past five stake centers to get to the singles ward where there isn't a primary or a youth program.  I think that single adults miss out on important opportunities to learn and think about others when they don't attend a regular family ward.  I think that regular family wards miss out on added insights and opportunities as well when there aren't many singles around.  It's encouraging and inspiring to watch families sit together in Church.  It's neat to mingle with others from all walks and ages and stations in life and come together in love for the Savior and His gospel.  Although there are other opportunities, it seems that some natural opportunities for service and learning don't exist the same way in singles wards.  Any singles ward seems to have a selfish element to it.  One of the reasons people are there is to find someone they're interested in, which can create competition, instead of charity in some cases (counter-productive to the gospel message).

- Mid-singles wards can be a depressing place.  Many people have given up hope of getting married by the time they fall into this age range (31-45), or others may be looking for new hope.  It's a strange mix of personalities and definitely doesn't seem like a cohesive bunch (although it might encourage some "hanging out").  :) It seems that everyone is simultaneously living their own lives and caught up in themselves.  I know that can happen anywhere, and many are good at reaching out to others, but some of the hope and enthusiasm for unity seems fading in this group.  When you're 31 and invited to join this group you don't want to belong.  You look around and hope this isn't your life.  By 34, you're trying to be humble again and wonder if it might offer something.  I can't speak for the older group, but it seems like they might be the ones that find some value in the arrangement.

- This may contradict my previous thoughts, but the gospel is real in mid-singles wards.  Many of the members have had interesting life experiences, they have used the Atonement in their lives, they have had opportunities to trust and forgive and change, many are open and vulnerable and willing, but they are also scared and having a hard time progressing.  The gospel can and should be real to everyone.  I love the way the Church is organized to help us get to know those around us and serve in new and different places, to stretch us beyond our current strengths and help us grow in love for each other and the Lord.  For about two years I spent my professional time working to help motivate others to be engaged in their work.  A lot of that time focused on helping people feel valued and appreciated.  I've realized since then that feeling fulfilled has less to do with me and what I want and someone appreciating me and more to do with thinking about and helping others.  When we're helping we're happy (and we'll sing as we go)!  :)

Even though I attend a regular family ward I try to attend some mid-singles gatherings occasionally and Sunday I enjoyed a very uplifting fireside by John Bytheway.  He talked about Moroni.  I have always been inspired by and so grateful for Moroni and his faith and courage and mission, but tonight I have added appreciation for him and I'm grateful for the scriptures Brother Bytheway shared that instructed and encouraged me in a way that was very needed!

Brother Bytheway pointed out that sitting on top of most of our temples and used as a symbol everywhere of the restoration of the gospel is a single adult - Moroni, the prophet and angel (who wandered alone for years and returned to Joseph Smith--himself a youth--to deliver plates that would become the Book of Mormon)!  Moroni says in Mormon 8:5 that his father and all his kinsfolk have died and he has no where to go.  Even though he was alone and discouraged, he found a purpose and worked diligently.  By the end of the same chapter, in Mormon 8:35, he has seen us and now has someone to write to and a purpose to work towards - convincing us to beware of pride (continue reading Mormon 8 for his specific counsel)!

Moroni teaches us so much in those years that he wandered and hid from the Lamanites and "supposed not to have written more".  He taught us by word and example to come to Christ and overcome our weaknesses (Ether 12:27), stay away from our enemies and continue on and serve (Moroni 1:1), rely on the Holy Ghost (Moroni 2, 4, 5), be nourished by the word of God (Moroni 6:4), not be a bitter fountain (that doesn't help anyone) (Moroni 7:11), have charity and become like the Savior (Moroni 7:48), have faith, repent, be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost "which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer" (Moroni 8:25-26), notwithstanding others' hardness continue to labor diligently (Moroni 9:6), be faithful in Christ and let Him lift you up (Moroni 9:25), and redeem the dead, perfect the saints, and preach the gospel (Moroni 10:31).

Brother Bytheway also referred to D&C 123:17 where Joseph Smith is speaking from Liberty Jail.  That setting is very instructive in this message!  Considering the horrible conditions he is living in and the lack of control he had in his life at that time, he exhorts his brethren (and us) to "cheerfully do all things that lie in our power" (and not worry about the things that we can't control), but "stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed".

So, life is what we make it and it's fuller and happier when we forget ourselves and find a purpose that serves others and helps us focus our efforts on trying to be more like the Savior.  We don't choose all of our circumstances (some we do), but remember that there aren't separate scriptures for single adults.  :)  There are no "-ites" (see 4 Nephi 1:15-18 and Moses 7:18). :)  We all have the same access to our Heavenly Father's words and His love and His Spirit and to Him through prayer!  He wants all of us to be happy.  He wants all of us to return to Him.

Tell the Father's Story!

Called to serve Him, heav'nly King of glory,

Chosen e'er to witness for his name,

Far and wide we tell the Father's story,

Far and wide his love proclaim.

Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;

Onward, ever onward, as we glory in his name;

Forward, pressing forward, as a triumph song we sing.

God our strength will be; press forward ever,

Called to serve our King.

Called to know the richness of his blessing--

Sons and daughters, children of a King--

Glad of heart, his holy name confessing,

Praises unto him we bring.

I have LOVED this song for so long that I don't think I've carefully paid attention to the words as often as I should have.  Today I am inspired by the call to testify of our Father's love and plan - to "tell the Father's story" far and wide!  His story is all about joy and happiness and love!  :)  We are blessed to know the story and purpose of our lives here on earth....and every chance we get we should be sharing and telling our Father's story - His plan, His love, His purposes for us, His mercy, His miracles.  I'm grateful and excited!  You, too?  :)

Life Philosophy

I'm very practical and I try to keep life simple. I usually think that my presence at an event doesn't mean much, but I recently read an NPR article entitled Always Go To The Funeral. This article, along with other things I've seen and thought about lately have helped me realize the importance of connecting with and celebrating with and mourning with others.

I haven't always done this well, but I think it's important to go to the funeral, go to the reception, go to the shower, send gifts, be sure to send thank you notes and other kinds of letters when you feel like you should....don't assume that someone knows what they mean to you! Be there! I was touched by my Grandpa's sweet friends who recently came to his viewing and funeral or wrote notes to the family - people that he home taught for years, travel companions, handball partners, and barbers. It's a blessing to understand how we have and how we can bless others lives and these are opportunities to share that love.

I think that a good life philosophy is to be there! :)

Grandpa Morgan

I've been blessed with a wonderful family!  This week I am especially grateful for my Grandpa Morgan.  He passed away somewhat suddenly this week after over 84 years of diligent work and goodness.  It has been sweet the last few days to spend time with family and to think about all the ways he has blessed my life and many others.

Here are a few of my favorite memories of Grandpa:

• mint chocolate chip ice cream
• orange sherbet / vanilla twist
• raisin bran
• a car, garage, house, yard, and dishwasher that were always perfectly clean
• reading the newspaper and knowing what's going on in the world
• studying maps together
• listening to him plan and report back on trips
• watching slides together as a family
• knowing where to buy the cheapest gas
• carefully following the weather
• watching golf
• watching the sunset and playing in the yard together
• little envelopes of money before trips, birthdays and just because
• sharing memories of Korea and other stories from his life
• many visits to Hawaii
• patiently waiting for family members off on adventures that he helped facilitate

Some of the most important things he taught me include:

• Do what you're supposed to do - be dependable, responsible, dedicated, diligent, consistent
• Work hard and do the best you can; don't be lazy
• Make time for family and relationships
• Be frugal
• Be humble
• Quietly serve and help others
• Love and pray for and teach and enjoy being with your family
• Be generous
• Be clean and organized
• Be respectful
• Be confident - look people in the eye
• Travel and learn about people and places

He was not one who ever looked for the spotlight, but was always there quietly and diligently working very hard in the background to make sure everything got done just right and taking care of things.  We will all surely miss him here - those quiet acts of service are very apparent when they aren't done, but today as I was sitting in Church and someone was talking about family history work that we needed to do, it became very real to me to that there is work to do on both sides of the veil and I can't think of a more diligent and dedicated worker who I'm sure is there jumping right into learning what his new job will be in building the kingdom and keeping something organized and on track.  :)  I know he won't be sitting still.  :)  

I'm grateful for his life, his love, his example and my name that will always remind me of him and his ancestors.  I hope I can live up to his legacy of hard work, humility, and diligence.  I'm grateful for the Plan of Salvation, temple ordinances, and the Atonement and resurrection of Jesus Christ that makes it possible for us to be together again as a family forever.

Motivated and Inspired

For some reason I've had a hard time being motivated lately and am lacking much inspiration at the start of this year.  I've been looking for a purpose or call to action.  I'm always inspired at Church.  Like someone said today, it doesn't matter what time church changes to - I'll be there because it's true!  :)  I'm glad I was there today.  I was inspired by many things, but four things in particular were a call to action for me:

1. I was inspired by a lesson about the importance of kindness based on the April 2005 talk by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, The Virtue of Kindness.  If you haven't read it in a while I highly recommend it.  It's wonderful and inspiring and what life is all about about!  I'm inspired to try to live this message every day this year!  Our discussion reminded me of another talk by Elder Wirthlin given just two years later entitled The Great Commandment.  You have to watch this one!!  Again the main point of his message is charity and love - and the Savior's love and tenderness is exemplified perfectly in so many ways in this talk.

2. Then you can't help but be inspired by the words and teachings of Moses 1 where Moses talks to the Lord face to face and learns he is a son of God just in time to be able to see through Satan's lies.  After overcoming Satan he learns more about God's mission for him.  I know that God is our Father, we are His children and He has a plan for us.  We are His glory.  He works to help us return to Him.

3. A comment someone made today solidified in my mind a topic I have been studying lately.  Our connections with each other are important - like the giant redwood trees whose roots go out and not down.  We need each other to be strong.  I just finished reading a wonderful book, The Belonging Heart.  The world teaches us to be independent and free by disregarding meaningful connections and relationships.  Sitting in Church today and thinking about the redwoods and the people I was listening to and learning from reminded me again of the importance of relationships and community in strengthening and lifting each other.

4. On a related note, I love singing!  I love singing with other people.  There is power in the words of the hymns that teach the principles of the gospel and Jesus Christ and particularly when we join together to sing no matter our musical ability.  I'm inspired by the people of my ward as we sing together.  There are many old people who have sung these songs for years.  They are not shy in their singing and it's wonderful!  Two weeks ago there was a special musical number to finish the meeting - the high priests sang Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.  It really touched me watching all these old men walk up to the front of the room and sing with gusto and tenderness.  It was probably even sweeter than watching the Primary children sing.  Today I was inspired by another song - Do What is Right:

Do what is right; let the consequence follow.Battle for freedom in spirit and might.....Do what is right; be faithful and fearless.Onward, press onward, the goal is in sight.

The words were the call to action I needed, but I was particularly inspired to listen to an experienced U.S. Senator sing right behind me with gusto.  We each have different opportunities to "battle for freedom" but that is what we're here to do....with faith and without fear!  The Lord will protect us as we do what is right.  :)

So, I guess my call to action can be summed up in these statements - be kind, know who you are, be connected and do what is right without fear!

A New Year - Pausing and Reflecting Together

Last night, as the world was pausing (or doing a "wave" as my mom says) for a few hours I got thinking about how unique it is that the the whole world really does pause for about 24 hours to sit and watch the clock....wherever they are, with their families and friends and whoever happens to be standing/sitting nearby.  It seems like these days there isn't enough that unite us.  My first thought was what a waste of time - millions of people just sitting waiting, but I realized and am grateful for the time to pause and reflect individually and collectively.  I think there is something really important about reflecting and them moving forward.

To finish the year I spent a few hours listening to some WONDERFUL musicians at the Tabernacle on Temple Square with a mix of people from the community.  I was inspired!  I was inspired by the music.  I was inspired by the people performing.  I was inspired by the people gathered to listen (I talked to a cute family from Melbourne, Australia and saw people from all walks of life enjoying the time together).  I was inspired by the thought of a new beginning.  I was inspired by this message on the back of the event program:

"There's something invigorating and inviting about new beginnings.  Like a fresh blanket of untouched snow, like a book full of empty pages, the new year lies before us, waiting for us to make our mark.  But before we start on the next chapter of our lives, we have more to write in the last few pages of this year's story.  We have songs to sing, talents to share, and music to enjoy with families, friends, and neighbors.  What better way to "ring out the old" and "ring in the new" than by spending the last few days of the year surrounded by loved ones in a spirit of optimism, unity, and celebration."

It's neat to be connected.  I wish there were more meaningful and productive opportunities that brought more of us together to share talents, to uplift, to inspire and do good!  But, I'm grateful for the reminder of the importance of pausing, reflecting and progressing forward....together.  :)