Mid-Singles

A few months ago I mentioned, after visiting a mid-singles ward, that I wish these wards didn't exist.  Sitting in a group like this makes me reflect on the miracle of relationships.  I know these wards provide an opportunity and although I don't particularly enjoy them maybe everyone (even married folks) should have to go once - it would be an eye-opening perspective to anyone who did.  :)  Here are a few of my observations (and before I start may I say this:  We all have different trials in life.  It's hard for us to understand one that we have not faced ourselves.  I am not complaining or trying to be negative in anyway.  Life is good, but sharing my observations helps me to organize my thoughts and hopefully might give others insights into a perspective they might not understand.  I am grateful for opportunities to learn and serve in this life.  We all have different ways we can do that at different times.  Although in many ways I wish I were in a different place in life right now, I also know that we can be happy regardless of our circumstances, especially when we know and stay focused on The Plan and end goal.):

- Singles and mid-singles wards feel like fake wards.  The Church and the gospel is about family and progression and loving and serving your neighbor - those right around you.  Sometimes it doesn't make sense to me to drive past five stake centers to get to the singles ward where there isn't a primary or a youth program.  I think that single adults miss out on important opportunities to learn and think about others when they don't attend a regular family ward.  I think that regular family wards miss out on added insights and opportunities as well when there aren't many singles around.  It's encouraging and inspiring to watch families sit together in Church.  It's neat to mingle with others from all walks and ages and stations in life and come together in love for the Savior and His gospel.  Although there are other opportunities, it seems that some natural opportunities for service and learning don't exist the same way in singles wards.  Any singles ward seems to have a selfish element to it.  One of the reasons people are there is to find someone they're interested in, which can create competition, instead of charity in some cases (counter-productive to the gospel message).

- Mid-singles wards can be a depressing place.  Many people have given up hope of getting married by the time they fall into this age range (31-45), or others may be looking for new hope.  It's a strange mix of personalities and definitely doesn't seem like a cohesive bunch (although it might encourage some "hanging out").  :) It seems that everyone is simultaneously living their own lives and caught up in themselves.  I know that can happen anywhere, and many are good at reaching out to others, but some of the hope and enthusiasm for unity seems fading in this group.  When you're 31 and invited to join this group you don't want to belong.  You look around and hope this isn't your life.  By 34, you're trying to be humble again and wonder if it might offer something.  I can't speak for the older group, but it seems like they might be the ones that find some value in the arrangement.

- This may contradict my previous thoughts, but the gospel is real in mid-singles wards.  Many of the members have had interesting life experiences, they have used the Atonement in their lives, they have had opportunities to trust and forgive and change, many are open and vulnerable and willing, but they are also scared and having a hard time progressing.  The gospel can and should be real to everyone.  I love the way the Church is organized to help us get to know those around us and serve in new and different places, to stretch us beyond our current strengths and help us grow in love for each other and the Lord.  For about two years I spent my professional time working to help motivate others to be engaged in their work.  A lot of that time focused on helping people feel valued and appreciated.  I've realized since then that feeling fulfilled has less to do with me and what I want and someone appreciating me and more to do with thinking about and helping others.  When we're helping we're happy (and we'll sing as we go)!  :)

Even though I attend a regular family ward I try to attend some mid-singles gatherings occasionally and Sunday I enjoyed a very uplifting fireside by John Bytheway.  He talked about Moroni.  I have always been inspired by and so grateful for Moroni and his faith and courage and mission, but tonight I have added appreciation for him and I'm grateful for the scriptures Brother Bytheway shared that instructed and encouraged me in a way that was very needed!

Brother Bytheway pointed out that sitting on top of most of our temples and used as a symbol everywhere of the restoration of the gospel is a single adult - Moroni, the prophet and angel (who wandered alone for years and returned to Joseph Smith--himself a youth--to deliver plates that would become the Book of Mormon)!  Moroni says in Mormon 8:5 that his father and all his kinsfolk have died and he has no where to go.  Even though he was alone and discouraged, he found a purpose and worked diligently.  By the end of the same chapter, in Mormon 8:35, he has seen us and now has someone to write to and a purpose to work towards - convincing us to beware of pride (continue reading Mormon 8 for his specific counsel)!

Moroni teaches us so much in those years that he wandered and hid from the Lamanites and "supposed not to have written more".  He taught us by word and example to come to Christ and overcome our weaknesses (Ether 12:27), stay away from our enemies and continue on and serve (Moroni 1:1), rely on the Holy Ghost (Moroni 2, 4, 5), be nourished by the word of God (Moroni 6:4), not be a bitter fountain (that doesn't help anyone) (Moroni 7:11), have charity and become like the Savior (Moroni 7:48), have faith, repent, be baptized and receive the Holy Ghost "which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer" (Moroni 8:25-26), notwithstanding others' hardness continue to labor diligently (Moroni 9:6), be faithful in Christ and let Him lift you up (Moroni 9:25), and redeem the dead, perfect the saints, and preach the gospel (Moroni 10:31).

Brother Bytheway also referred to D&C 123:17 where Joseph Smith is speaking from Liberty Jail.  That setting is very instructive in this message!  Considering the horrible conditions he is living in and the lack of control he had in his life at that time, he exhorts his brethren (and us) to "cheerfully do all things that lie in our power" (and not worry about the things that we can't control), but "stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed".

So, life is what we make it and it's fuller and happier when we forget ourselves and find a purpose that serves others and helps us focus our efforts on trying to be more like the Savior.  We don't choose all of our circumstances (some we do), but remember that there aren't separate scriptures for single adults.  :)  There are no "-ites" (see 4 Nephi 1:15-18 and Moses 7:18). :)  We all have the same access to our Heavenly Father's words and His love and His Spirit and to Him through prayer!  He wants all of us to be happy.  He wants all of us to return to Him.